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Hematolagnia: Blood-play as a fetish

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Siren

Periodically, I explore fringe fetishes for the benefit of my BDSM readers. I have found that once a person begins exploring fetishes, they often explore ones which they never thought that they would be interested in. So, it seemed prudent to share information on blood-play (and a few cautions).

The sexual fetish for blood, known as hematolagnia, can manifest in several different ways. Some enjoy seeing blood on naked flesh. Others might become aroused by seeing accidental or intentional cuts that bleed. Fetishes that involve a woman’s menstrual blood fall into this category. Note: As far as psychiatrists can tell, it is rare for a person to experience this fetish in relation to extreme gore.

“Blood-play” and “blood-sports,” are terms used in the “underground” world of BDSM to indicate intimate play involving blood within BDSM and sexual encounters. Sometimes referred to as vampirism in psychological literature and in the scene, blood-play is sometimes coupled with blood-letting by cuts, punctures and even bites.

There are several risk factors involved with blood-play:

-Blood borne pathogens could be transferred by the blood

-Biting is very unsanitary given the amount of bacteria involved. It also can result in severe scarring due to the trauma inflicted at the bite location

-Severe injury with an implement used to blood-let could occur to the donor

-If you go too far, you could find yourself in legal trouble

Participants of blood-play often identify the experiences as sacred and extremely bonding for the participants. It is among the ultimate acts of trust.

Filed In: BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Fetishes and Kinks, Taboo and Tradition Around the World, Tips Tricks and Advice
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Want to Improve your Libido and Stamina?

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Siren

If you came here looking for the quick fix (pill, operation, hypnotism), you came to the wrong place. Only those of you who are SERIOUS about improving your desire and endurance in sex will be interested in my advice. It is very simple: the healthier your body overall, the stronger your libido will be, and you will be able to fuck longer and harder. So, if you want to improve these things, you will have to make your body healthier.

I recognize that this isn’t true for everyone; there are always non-examples out there, but I believe that the majority of humans have the power to make themselves healthier.

I believe that too much of anything is bad, especially in diets. For example, I agree that most Americans eat way too many sugars (carbohydrates), and not enough high quality fiber from whole grains and protein from plants and fish. Many agree. So, first of all, try cutting back on breads and sweets, and start eating more fish and soy products.

It is time for you to make exercise part of your daily routine. Whether you run, walk, swim or cycle, GET OFF OF YOUR ASS AND SWEAT.

Take a multi-vitamin, and consider exploring holistic medications for minor ailments. (Valerian Root is as effective for me as mild anti-anxiety medications.

Smile more; having fun is extraordinarily healthy.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, Adult News and Views, Bisexual or Bi-curious, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Online Social Dating and Relationships, Opinion Rants and Controversy, Relationships for Love and Marriage, Sexual Health and Safety, Tips Tricks and Advice
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Where is the Horizon?

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Siren

Just a personal rant for tonight:

A few months ago, my partner and I were watching a TV show wherein a man rode a weather balloon into the upper atmosphere. He almost reached the point of no freefall return when he detached from the balloon to sky dive back to Earth. He said that there was a period of time where he didn’t feel as though he was falling at all, because there were no landmarks – or even clouds – to give him perspective. It wasn’t until he calmed down and looked up to see the weather balloon rocketing away from him that he was sure he wasn’t floating.

That’s how I feel these days. I am not unhappy. I am actually pretty happy, but I can’t find the horizon. Every time I find a balance with my friends and lovers, something happens that greatly damages the stability of it.

1) Why am I so afraid of commitment when I am so afraid of being abandoned?

2) What is it about my kinks that I can’t seem to find a vent for them?

3) What is love?

Grrrrah! I sound like a teenager, yet I turn 36 soon.

 

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Opinion Rants and Controversy, Relationships for Love and Marriage
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Keeping the Lines of Communication Open

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Siren

When there is something on your heart that you are afraid to tell your partner(s), then is it the most important time to do so.

When I have something important to tell my primary partner that involves our lifestyle rules of engagement, I get nervous and I start to lose my threads and finish soliloquies without knowing what the hell I just blathered on about. It is frustrating when I have already spent so long trying to figure out what to say and what not to say only to completely go blank at the time of conversation.

It almost feels like I need to create an outline or agenda of items so that I don’t lose the trail of my thoughts before I actually get to the core of the issue. I am hugely disappointed in my inability to get to the point when I am stressed out. That has to be a new area of focus for me.

I need to define what it is that I am actually looking for so that I don’t confuse or hurt anyone. I will endeavor to be laconic: to say what I mean as succinctly as possible. There is so much to be corrected in me that I am finding it difficult to keep communicating. I feel disorganized and ineffective at stating what it is that I truly want. It comes in bursts of glorious truth at times, but never when I am with the people who deserve my honesty the most.

For someone who is as in love with words as I am, I am ashamed that I cannot speak well for my own heart sometimes.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Online Social Dating and Relationships, Relationships for Love and Marriage
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Too Many Balls Up in the Air

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Siren

My father used to tell me that I could have either a lot of time or a lot of money, but RARELY would I have a lot of both. The truth could not be more plainly put than that. But, what he failed to convey was that if I was as social as I have become, I would have to fight to make all of my priority-people feel as though they are the priorities that I tell them they are.

Being in an open relationship certainly has its benefits; they are not difficult to identify. However, the concept that I would have to divide my already strained schedule even further was completely unexpected. I do not know how it surprised me, because I am pretty savvy at balancing a schedule between work and fun. I sat down and created a list of changes I am making to my routines and behaviors so that I can find some more time. I was pretty amazed at how simple and complicated it would be…all at the same time.

After finishing the list, I immediately thought I should post some of it, because it may help someone else dealing with the time stresses of alternative dating/relationship arrangements. (Or anyone for that matter!)

1. Cut down on texting. Limit the amount of communications you allow people to grow accustomed to. If you communicate with them constantly, it starts to eat into the time you have for the other important people in your life. This is primarily important in relation to texting/phone IMing; frankly, it’s rude to constantly communicate with other (not present) people for social reasons while enjoying the company of another.

2. Focus on the person you are with! This goes hand-in-hand with number one. When you focus on the other(s) with you, they more often leave the visit feeling fulfilled and valued. Put aside worries, electronics and such in order to have a living-breathing conversation with someone else that thinks you are important enough to share their sacred time.

3. Set up regular together time with best friends, lovers, and other major priorities. If they know time is coming, they won’t feel so slighted when they have to wait to see you. Every Sunday…the first weekend…whatever works.

I believe in what-goes-around-comes-around as a life philosophy…a pay it back sort of thing. If you fully and freely give someone your valuable time and attention, it stands to reason that you will receive like behavior from others. Everybody wins when time is rich with presence. At least that is my opinion.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Online Social Dating and Relationships, Relationships for Love and Marriage, The Lifestyle / Swinging, Tips Tricks and Advice
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On Being Submissive

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Siren

At one point, I wrote regarding my personal experiment: a foray into the world of the Dominatrix. Truly, if I learned anything from the shallow and swift venture, I learned that I am almost completely submissive when it comes to men. Stranger yet, this certainty brought with it a great deal of peace. It was exhausting behaving like a dominant.

Certainly, it was fun, but it always felt like role-playing. Being honest, I do not like role-play or contrived scenes very much. Just the other night, I talked in depth with one of my closest – and most natural - friends about being authentic. She told me that being dominant simply may not be authentic for me.

Even as my adventurous side was trying not to believe her, I felt my soul take a deep sigh. I am now completely certain that I am happiest when I am in the position of a submissive.

I like the way it feels to submit; it makes me feel powerful. Yet, I am proud of my weakness when I give him the power instead of keeping it for myself. That is strength.

When a good top pays attention and applies spot-on rewards (and even tailors their punishments) to teach you ways to overcome weaknesses, that is something special. That is something rare.

To look the world in the face without fear, but to avert my eyes to a single man by choice and in respect…that is peace.

One simply can’t fake these feelings.

Filed In: BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Fetishes and Kinks, Opinion Rants and Controversy
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Unicorns Are Real!

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Siren

For swingers, unicorns are the golden ticket. No, I am not talking about a horny horse (teehee); I am talking about the rare and ellusive single, bisexual female who is willing to participate in swinger and lifestyle activities.

Everyone who has been to a swinger’s gathering knows that single men are often limited in numbers by design, or they may not even be allowed in at all. This is not the case for unicorns; in fact, many swinger events and clubs will allow unicorns to come in for free or at a discounted rate.

Unicorns are not all that difficult to find; however, all parties involved in play with a unicorn should be very clear about their rules and observe hers as well. There are many benefits to being a unicorn: easier to find partners, being the center of attention and enjoying the benefits of sex without strings.

The drawbacks of being a unicorn include constant emails from couples and single men who just want to cut to the chase: fucking. Sometimes couples may treat a unicorn as though they are there for the pleasure of the couple. The unicorns often do not have a male there to help them field the “no thank you” and “please leave me along” feelings.

I have been a unicorn, and I have been with a unicorn. Being one is scary, and it taught me to be kind to them when I meet them even though I don’t swing anymore.

 

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Terms and Definitions, The Lifestyle / Swinging
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The Nine Levels of a Woman’s Orgasm

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Siren

Eastern sex practices can extend even into the bedroom thanks to the practices of spiritual-sexual Tantric skills. For those that incorporate Taoist sexual practices, withholding orgasms becomes important, specifically getting past the fourth level of the orgasm wherein most women typically climax. According to the Taoist view, there are nine levels to a woman’s orgasm in total. As I read the desciptors of each stage, the concept made absolute sense from a visualization activity standpoint. I don’t believe in magic, but I do believe that humans can learn to move energies within their bodies using creative visualization.

Watch for these…it may even help to have a camera handy so that you can go with it in the moment and analyze it later.

Level One: The woman begins to breath heavy, salivate and sigh. Her lungs become energized.

Level Two: In an act of opening up, the woman will move her tongue into her lover’s mouth and allow him to do the same to her. Her heart is now energized.

Level Three: She begins to grasp and hold her partner more tightly as if to ensure contact. At this point, the organs in her lower abdomen are energized.

Level Four: Small vaginal contractions and natural lubricant are activated. Her kidneys and bladder are energized.

Level Five: She will have loosened joints. You can see her start to spread her pelvis wider, and she may have impulses to bite her lover. Her bones are now energized.

Level Six: At this point, she will become reptile-like: undulating and attempting to coil herself around her lover. Her liver and nerves are energized at this point.

Level Seven: She begins frantically touching her lover as her blood is energized.

Level Eight: Despite the fact that her muscles begin to loosen, she may have another, more powerful urge to bite her lover. Her musculature is now energized.

Level Nine: She reaches peak orgasm and then collapes into a “minature death,” surrendering entirely. Finally, her entire body is energized as her Shakti energy has moved throught the pathways in her body. In Tantric traditions, they would say that her kundalini energy has moved through her body, activating her chakras from the root up.

Fascinating concept…I believe I will explore this, because those levels sound very familiar to the few times I have orgasmed so hard that I couldn’t move afterward and required sleep to fully recover. Hmmm…..

 

 

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Bisexual or Bi-curious, Fetishes and Kinks, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Relationships for Love and Marriage, Sexual Health and Safety, Tips Tricks and Advice
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This Music is Just Plain Dirty!

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Siren

Just last night, I was browzing in consideration of what I might want to talk about this morning when the song “Shalale” by Makyo came on. I found myself pausing my work to listen to the throbbing, sensual sound of the song.

Next thing I know, I had this image of me face down on the futon in our living room with a lover penetrating me from behind while on his knees. Oh my, how I do love that position, especially with my hands pinned behind my back and/or my hair being pulled. (Oh, what a grand reward for taking instruction so well.)

This made me wonder what other fantasies I replay, for I had seen this face down one many times as I daydreamed. It was fairly easy to bring my fantasies to mind, and I am surprised a little bit by some of the fantasies I would never live out in reality.

Music often triggers fantasies for me. I have this one fantasy of me being nailed against a wall that comes into mind whenever I hear “All I Need” by Radiohead. Then, there are the Nine Inch Nails fantasies that are for coersing the third orgasm out when all else has failed: the gang bang line, abduction and the total stranger fantasies.

I have do not have any interest in an actual gang bang nor stranger-sex. Abduction is only possible as long as it is a time-limited experience with safe-words established performed by my trusted lover. Regardless of whether I could do them or not, they cause the taboo reaction in me and sometimes trigger an orgasm.

Sometimes, the primal me enjoys being flogged while listening to songs by Assemblage 23 (Tom Shear).

Music is a vital component of sexual and sensual atmosphere. Various online radio projects have playlists that can be created for genres. Try creating playlists in the Bristol Sound group or in the Trip Hop genre. Maybe some Cure or even Tool. Find music that turns you on in your mind, and then fuck to it; it really is that simple.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, Bisexual or Bi-curious, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Online Social Dating and Relationships, Opinion Rants and Controversy, Relationships for Love and Marriage, Tips Tricks and Advice
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Unique Sex Inventions

Posted on January 26, 2012 by Siren

“Sex sells,” has been a marketing euphemism for quite a number of years now. Still, I am constantly amazed at the new toys they have created at this point. Here are a few of some relatively recent inventions that I think are wonderful ideas.

The Fleshlight iPad cover that you can have sex with is a pretty cool idea. Hell, I know some men that practically date their iPads already; now they can consumate the relationship!

Tantric sex furniture is fascinating! Chairs with ramps and curves, the pieces are designed to maximize sensuous zone contact. They are almost like spanking benches and can even be bought with bondage points in some cases. Yum!

Glass and Pyrex dildos not only step up the level of sterility during playtime, but they can come in beautiful patterns. I have seen ones that could be considered art were you to accidentally leave it on the fireplace mantle to be seen by others.

Realdolls Sex Dolls are reminiscent of the 1987 scifi movie “Cherry 2000″. Realdolls are silicone, anatomically-correct sex dolls. Their price tag is a little high (somewhere around $6K), but you get a realistic sex toy that will let you enjoy solo sex like never before!

The Hide-a-Vibe Teddy Bear is a darn smart idea. It is a cute, plush bear with a secret compartment which can hold a vibrator, lube, anal beads, etc. He effectively hides your secret stash in plain view.

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