Today's Adult Social Media, Dating and Personals News

Lifestyle or Kink?

Posted on April 18, 2012 by Siren

Are you in the lifestyle, or are you just flat out kinky? I get asked questions like this a lot on social networks. One has to be quite careful when answering this question because the answer you give could have completely different connotations to the inquirer than it does to you.

I recently ran into a situation where my understanding of the term ‘lifestyle’ caused a hiccup in a relationship negotiation. (I was fortunate that it was small, because I really think this guy is great.) I have been courting a Dom, and only recently he took me on as a sub (dominant/submissive for you vanillas). Early on, I shared with him that I was very interested in the D/s lifestyle. He assumed that I meant that I wanted to be in a Dom’s service all the time, and began pursuing that avenue.

Fortunately, I addressed it very quickly and respectfully. What I really meant by ‘the lifestyle’ was the ‘spectrum of BDSM interactions we could possibly get into at some time.’ Ha! Yes, men are shaking their heads because I had to use eleven words or so to express something so simple…hush.

My point is this, before you get onto a kink/fetish/lifestyle website and start using their lingo, make certain you understand the most widely accepted connotations (meanings) of those terms. Decide whether you are truly ready to identify yourself as a lifestyler when you are only a kinkster. Choose your words with caution, for they all have meaning.

Filed In: BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Escort and John Hobbyists, Exhibitionism, Fetishes and Kinks, Nudism in a Moral Society, Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy, Sugar Mommy, Taboo and Tradition Around the World, Terms and Definitions, The Lifestyle / Swinging
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I Heart Bisexual Porn!

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Siren

Truthfully, double-penetration is my favorite type of porn; however, I find that bisexual DPs are far more enjoyable to watch than MFM ones. Same position; different attitude. There is something about bisexual porn that makes me squirm in my seat: I get off on watching hands, mouths and holes being passionately filled as two men and a woman pleasure one another regardless of gender lines.

Sadly, I have yet to have the pleasure of experiencing this authentically. I have had MFM threesomes…some pretty hot ones, actually, but the gents did not share affection of any kind. I would love to watch my husband deeply kiss a man and then take the full length of our guest while I go down on his cock! *Sigh.*

Back to my point: bisexual porn is my absolute favorite (with BDSM running a close second). There are so many differences. First and foremost, they tend to seem more passionate and less…well, porn-like. Sometimes the bisexual triad mixes in some humor and others they stay in role entirely. The sounds are often more authentic…and oh, how I love the sounds. It seems as though no one of them has to stay idle…there is always an outlet for their lust. This is unlike FMF threesomes, which requires that one crotch lie in wait for intercourse (at least the variety that I enjoy).

They seem more attentive to the pleasure of their partners. They kiss more. And those are just a few of the reasons I heart bisexual pron. Mmmmm.

Filed In: Bisexual or Bi-curious, Fetishes and Kinks, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Online Social Dating and Relationships, Pornography Erotica and Art
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A Social Life’s Worst Enemy: Time

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Siren

I am losing my mind trying to keep all of my balls in the air! There was a point in my life when I craved a social life and desperately wanted more friends. I had spent several years dedicating all of my free time to my work and my son, so my circle of comrades had dwindled to the few who were willing to talk on the phone now and again. Once I made the decision to change that, I began building my network feverishly.

Now, I am blessed with some of the most amazing friends I could EVER ask for. I have also entered the world of alternative dating styles. So, I now have my husband, a Master/lover and a best friend with benefits. Add in both my career and my freelance writing as well as a huge group of friends and CALENDAR CHAOS ensues.

I am horrible about keeping up with times and dates; this is what makes the calendar and alarm features on my iPhone a necessity for me. Also, I have noticed that the older I get, the faster a minute flies by. In short, I do not have time for all of the things that I want to do and that need to be done in my world of dating and friends.

Recently, I began assessing the efficiency of my schedule and tweaking it to see if I can find more time. All I ended up doing was over scheduling myself and having to bail on things. Piss-poor friend behavior on a good day. Then I made a decision; I have to re-prioritize and economize.

No more responding in length to guys who hit on me in social networks just to tell them I am not interested without hurting their feelings. Now: “Thank you for your note, but I am not interested.” Rude? Maybe, but they will recover.

No more saying “yes” to events and food outings when I desperately want to say “no”.

Just a few examples of ways I am finding to actually free up time for my social life.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, Gay Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Online Social Dating and Relationships, Relationships for Love and Marriage, The Lifestyle / Swinging
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The First D/s Session With My New Master

Posted on April 6, 2012 by Siren

Much like any fantasy one is trying to fulfill, the reality of it often has both positive and negative aspects. For example, I recently courted a dominant man who really rang my bell in the way he spanked me and talked to me. However, he looked down on my life choices and current state of being. He made me feel bad about myself and my friends.

My most recent experience is much the same in that it had pros and cons. I really like the way he slaps me across the face: it is hard enough that it smarts, but caring enough that I know there will be no bruise. He rewards me with things I like, such as affection and normal conversation. I cannot wait for the first full-body leather strapping!

Yet, that gives way to punishments that withhold affection from me…objectify me. There was one thing he had me do that was rather debasing. I did not enjoy it, but am not going to discuss it other than to say it did not involve any disgusting bodily fluids or waste products…or anything else you might describe as perverse or taboo. Just strange.

I liked the fact that he put me under eye-contact and speech controls. I REALLY liked the way he spanked me soooo hard. I was not thrilled with the girth of his cock, but the length is more than sufficient. Overall, he is a healthy specimen. Maybe I can lead him to like more…thrilling things as we go. He definitely needs work on how to handle a flogger. (Wish I could have experienced that with the last Dom before I had to cut ties. The memories of the metal ruler will have to suffice. Wish we had been looking for the same thing.) He will need to master handling me by a collar and leash, because I like that a great deal. There should be no weakness shown there with me.

Anyhow, I am going to keep working with Mister. There are NO chances for feelings to develop beyond muscle deep, so I can really experiment to find my edges without emotional baggage. Done.

 

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Fetishes and Kinks, Taboo and Tradition Around the World
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Compersion: I’m An Animal Trapped in Your Hot Car

Posted on April 6, 2012 by Siren

When my primary Partner goes away for a few nights, I am completely at a loss for what to do while I am alone. Yet, I constantly crave alone time when I cannot have it. I have so many feelings and daemons I shall confront tonight. Compersion…oh sweet compersion, please start to make sense for me.

My primary partner and I have participated in several different varieties of alternative relationships from same room swap to my current foray with a non-romantic, mental/physical Dom who I now identify as my Master and Protector. My Partner is on his way to another state to visit with his best friend with benefits (FWB). She is an amazing woman whom I have released as completely exempt from our more limiting rules of sexual play.

I have a few people who are exempt; all of them are friends…true friends. Still, I am in a place where I do not want to play with any of them. I feel the need to be closed to my Primary and my Master. Yet, I cannot see my Master this weekend either. So, I have to maintain compersion for my Partner should he hook up with his FWB.

Honestly, I just want him to enjoy himself and have fun with or without sex.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, Relationships for Love and Marriage, The Lifestyle / Swinging
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To Unfriend or Not to Unfriend?

Posted on April 5, 2012 by Siren

THAT is the question! The advent of Internet social networking has ushered in a strange phenomenon: indiscriminate and immediate friendship. Okay, so we are not taking on a soul mate or best friend whenever we request or accept an “add” to the “Friends” list of some person’s profile. Still, making friends can be tough, and individuals should be careful to court even the most casual of friends before sharing all of your personal information with them.

Enough on my rant, because millions around the globe (myself included) have and will continue to add strangers to their group of friends. Besides, that isn’t what my core purpose for writing this post is. I wanted to take this opportunity to discuss the art of ‘UN-friending’ someone from a social network profile.

I abhor drama and really don’t like looking immature or bitchy, so there are several ways I handle unfriending. Here is how I look at it…

Red Flag Friends - These are the people who should be deleted immediately no matter how it makes you appear. This can include recent ex-lovers or partners, ex-inlaws, back stabbers, criminals, creeps/bitches and several other really unpleasant people. Do it; get rid of them.

Place Holding Friends - These are the ones I cull in groups whenever I am bored and cleaning out my friends list. I calculate the amount of 20% of my friends list, and then I delete that many “friends” from the list based on their lack of life-relevance and non-activity in my life. (Yes, an application of the Pareto Principle.)

Hour Glass Friends - These are the ones I stick on my restricted list and leave there until their either disappear on their own or are deleted in a culling when they reach a point where they can be deleted with no social drama. These usually involve people that I used to hang out, men/women I unsuccessfully attempted to date, or people who added me and then  never spoke with me again…friends of friends of friends.

I don’t spend much time thinking about this stuff, honestly. The only reason it is on my mind is because I just took notice of the fact that a former potential playmate, who was an in the Hour Glass group, disappeared from my friends list on the two social networks we had connected through. It doesn’t bother me except that there was so much potential there with just too many non-compatibility factors to get over. I am glad he unfriended first; though, I don’t know why. Meh…now he’s just somebody that I used to know.

 

Filed In: Online Social Dating and Relationships, Opinion Rants and Controversy, Tips Tricks and Advice
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My Female Lover…Not Quite Yet

Posted on April 3, 2012 by Siren

My best of friends have always been boys; I simply trust them faster and enjoy their personalities more. Having spent such a huge part of my life growing up and developing around the males of my species, I have come to recognize that one of the typical fantasies that boys have is the girl-on-girl experience. Turns out, it must have rubbed off on me.  I have been bi-sexual for as long as I knew what it meant, but I rarely acted on the femme-femme reality; I was more turned on by boys emotionally.

Now, ironically, I find myself with a female best friend to whom I am VERY attracted. She is unique and beautiful. We get along in ways I have never gotten along with a woman. Still, I am not quite ready to have a female lover, so I am on the side of keeping it to cuddling and occasional kisses.

The last relationship with another woman that I attempted ended abruptly and painfully. To be honest, though, I don’t feel like it is that failed friendship’s lasting scars that are stopping me this time. It is something else: I cannot get involved emotionally with any person who is as sick as me or worse when it comes to emotional and mental health issues at this point in time.

I have to focus on my well-being for once, and that means not falling in love with people who are so broken that it takes all of me to put them back together at my own expense. She isn’t quite that bad, but there are some serious issues she has to deal with before I will even consider it. To be fair, I have as many – if not more- issues to account for.  So, for now, I will focus on being her best friend and on fulfilling my desires in other areas of my life. In true hedonist style, of course.

Filed In: Adult Dating Casual Sex, Bisexual or Bi-curious, Lesbian Dating and Relationship Lifestyle Choices, Relationships for Love and Marriage
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Communication: Two Masters, One Sub

Posted on April 2, 2012 by Siren

Well, here is a completely new situation that I have landed myself in: I have a primary partner that is indelible and a Dom who is having a real go at being my Master. I had anticipated many things, but was most certainly not prepared for the fact that the Dom would want to establish some sort of rapport and communication style that would prevent miscommunication between them and remove even more decision-making power from me!

I am stuck with the strange thought that it may have seemed like He had all of the power, when, in fact, I have maintained complete control equal to my Primary’s position. I think that Mister (as I shall begin calling the Dom here) has caught on and is finding ways to take my power away while still maintaining a respectful stance with my Primary. In-ter-est-ing!

So far, Mister is very good at this despite our obvious idiosyncrasies, but sometimes I wonder if he is equipped to truly Master me; he has no idea how very difficult and independent I can be. Somehow, though, he has caught me off guard several times…so much so that I feel off-kilter. This is beginning to get very interesting, and the butterflies are almost constant today – the day I get to see him for a while as we shop together. Oh, my.

Filed In: BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Fetishes and Kinks, Relationships for Love and Marriage, The Lifestyle / Swinging
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Good Friends Vs. Black Holes

Posted on March 30, 2012 by Siren

We all have one: a friend that needs our support pretty much all the time. Being there for friends in need is important to the nurturing of deep, personal relationship ties. However, problems begin to arise when a friend takes-and-takes without giving equally in return.

At first, these types of people can blend with those who are more even-keeled. But after a while, they begin to show their true colors. There are some tell-tale signs to watch for that include, but are not limited to:

  • Constant texting that involves negative statements
  • Frequent calls wherein they’re always complaining
  • Social networking posts that make you want to roll your eyes, because there’s never anything positive
  • They go long periods without contacting you until they need something
  • Other mutual friends make mention of their negative behaviors

Friends that behave this way can be exhausting after a long period of time. It is one thing when a good friend of yours, who has an established rapport with you, needs you during a rough patch. It is a completely different situation when they always appear to be in crisis, especially when it is obvious that they are behaving in ways that perpetuate the crises.

I have found that one of the best ways to deal with such a Black Hole (gobbling up good energy without balance), is to respond to them with really positive words. These Negative-Nancy personas tend to thrive off of pity, sympathy, empathy and charitable acts. If you don’t feed it, but instead counter it, they will either attempt to turn it around or they will abandon you as a source of energy.

So the next time a Black Hole friend shoots you a complaint, try saying things like “it will get better,” “I believe in you” or “if you work hard enough, you can overcome this.” When all else fails, and they continue to bog you down, tell them and move on to find other like-minded people.

Filed In: Opinion Rants and Controversy, Relationships for Love and Marriage, Tips Tricks and Advice
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BDSM Affidavits of Consent

Posted on March 30, 2012 by Siren

If you think vanilla relationships come with surprises, you should see what comes with alternative lifestyle arrangements! It is almost as if every day holds a surprise; some are good, and some are bad. For the purposes of this blog, I want to focus on the BDSM angle. This topic is near and dear to my heart as you know if you are one of my regular readers.

I have recently begun negotiating a D/s relationship (Dominant/submissive) with a local Dom. We both have jobs that make it somewhat risky to engage in alternative lifestyle behaviors. This is exceptionally true since our relationship will include physical contact in ways that the vanilla world might consider…well…abusive or violent.

If you are in a profession in such fields as teaching, law enforcement, firefighting, medical treatment or any other social service, you should read this very carefully. If you are considering - or already actively participating in - a BDSM relationship and you have children, you should read this very carefully. One of the ways that you can protect yourself is by drawing up an affidavit of consent.

This type of document, though not legally binding, can go miles in proving that all participating adults are consenting to what is happening in the relationship. An agreement of this sort can be a single statement that is very simply worded such as, “I Jane Doe, am of sound mind and body and hereby consent to BDSM activities with John Doe without coercion or compulsion.”

If you’re wondering when an agreement/statement like this might come in handy, consider what would happen if a neighbor heard you or your play partner screaming. Police officers that are called to homes for possible domestic abuse are already on guard. A statement such as the brief one above, or a document that is more detailed, could mean the difference between criminal/civil charges or just a stern warning.

Here are some examples of topics you may wish to include in the agreement:

  • Activities that you consent to
  • Activities that you do not consent to
  • A list of tools, toys and implements that you give permission to have used on your body
  • The descriptions of your safe words and safe gestures
  • Hard (non-negotiable) and soft (somewhat negotiable) limits
  • Lists of prior injuries or other factors that should be considered before, during or after play

In addition to the added safety of the agreement when dealing with the law, it also offers an excellent platform to ensure that the emotional and physical well-being of all participants is protected. (Again, note that such agreements are not legally binding, and they may not be sufficient in some states and circumstances, but it is better to have one than not to.)

Filed In: BDSM Lifestyle Alt dating, Sexual Health and Safety, Tips Tricks and Advice
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